DRINK WARS: Juice Squeezes Into the Lead While Soft Drinks Fizz Right Behind, and Grandma's Teapot Is FURIOUS

Pull up a chair, dears, and mind the coaster. Someone has gone and asked the question that has started more arguments at my kitchen table than politics: what's the best drink for everyday refreshment? Coffee, tea, sparkling water, soft drinks or juice. Five glasses on the table, and only one gets to be the favourite.

Right now it's Juice in front with 25% consensus and 5 holders backing it. Hot on its heels, burping politely, is Soft drinks at 22% consensus with 3 holders. Further back on the ballot: 3 other sides. Mark my words, a lead you get before the kettle's even boiled can go cold by teatime.

Now, this isn't a show of hands. It's an opinion market on Morfi, where folks put real money behind their taste buds. So far 11 traders have chipped in $14,095. And those percentages are the crowd's conviction, not a headcount, so don't go telling your neighbour that most people drink juice. That's how gossip starts.

I'll be honest, I'm a little baffled. Juice I understand. It's fruit that's done all the chewing for you. But soft drinks running a close second? Those fizzy things that make your teeth sing? And where are the tea lovers? Back in my day a pot of tea fixed broken hearts, burnt toast and the occasional war. Maybe they're all still waiting for the kettle.

So here's Grandma's sharp bit: when a fight is this young, the loudest glass isn't always the one people keep refilling. Refreshment is about habit, and habits are stubborn old things, much like me. If you think the crowd has got it wrong, go join the market on Morfi and back your own cup. Just rinse it out first.